Comfort (Empathy)
Caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions, emotional responses, and physical touch: hurting with and for others in the midst of their grief and pain.
Romans 12:15, Matthew 5:4, 2 Corinthians 1:3,4
Jesus wept with friends. John 11:35
A Worthy Goal: (a little “Truth in Love” from TBI)
Don’t stop investing wisely into your marriage and family until your children and friends envy your relationship and want what you have…. “faith expressing itself in love” – Galatians 5:6.
Lately, commercials are consistently making claims such as, “It changed my life”, or “It is a god-send?” Well, I don’t know about pillows or pills, but I do know that when you know that you are deeply loved and cared for “it will change your life” and “it is a God-send”. Know why? God is the “Lord of mercy and the God of all comfort” and ” God is love”, so He must have sent them both. Sometimes He sends them directly by the Holy Spirit to us, then at other times He sends His love and comfort through a person – spouse, child, parent, friend, or co-worker. However He chooses to do it, could we discover how He could use us even more to provide needed comfort and love to our spouse at appropriate times in “life-changing ways”? I bet they will think it is a real God-send!
Sincerely, Dave Lewis
Be intentional about setting aside a few minutes this week or planning a date night to discuss Comfort together.
Husband, would you lead this time by reviewing the statements to be completed or questions being asked so that you know how to make the most of your time? When you are ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time with your wife.
As you use this tool – the 52-Week Plan – be sure to make some of the Marriage Staff Meetings fun to lighten things up a bit.
LOVE SPEAK…
Light Source #1: Fresh Encounters with Jesus Christ
At times you and I face circumstances that no one else can or is willing to enter with us in order to offer comfort. Perhaps they don’t know how or feel very inadequate. In the verse John 14:16 – Jesus said, “I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever;…” This “Helper” or “Comforter” is the Holy Spirit, the one who lives in each of us as followers of Christ. (I Corinthians 6:19-20).
You may have events in your life for which you have never received real comfort from another person. You may have been deeply hurt by the passing of a loved one, wounded by a friend, disappointed by one in whom you had complete trust, or abused by someone who said he/she loved you. Have you ever “cast your care on Him because He cares for you”? Have you ever taken that hurt to Jesus for His loving comfort? Do you know that you can? You have been invited. Matthew 11:28-30
Take a few minutes to be still and to tell Jesus in secret how you have been hurt and left alone-how you have been disappointed or disillusioned. Please don’t stop there. Ask for Jesus to come to you and enter that hurt with you so you KNOW you are no longer ALONE. Someone understands, even if no one else does. Jesus does. He was wounded, betrayed, beaten, imprisoned, hated, ignored, and eventually killed by those He came to love and save. He knows. Let Him enter your pain and comfort you. He may bring another person to you to offer understanding and comfort, but if no one else comes…He will.
Praise Him and Thank Him for loving us (you) so much.
Light Source #2: Frequent Experiences in the Word (Do The Book)
Let’s Do: Romans 12:15 a and b
verse – 15 (a) Rejoice with those who rejoice, (b) weep with those who weep.
Comfort comes when someone enters into our painful circumstance with us so that we are not alone. Perhaps they just listen, hold us, speak peaceful words, or stay with us in the same room to let us know they are “there if we need them”.
Would you look for ways to “rejoice and / or mourn” with your spouse this week? I know “rejoicing” is not the same as “mourning”, but when we are excited about something and our spouse rejoices, that can be comforting knowing that our partner can and will enter our happy emotions as well as our sad ones. Make sense? Give it a try. OK?
I am writing this entry with an opportunity to practice what I teach looming right in front of me. I will do my best to comfort my spouse this very evening.
Light Source #3: Other Jesus Followers – Have Real Fellowship with Your Spouse
Please discuss the answers to these questions during your Marriage Staff Meeting and enjoy having real fellowship and deepening friendship with your spouse:
1. When someone was hurt, rejected, or disappointed in your home of origin, what was the typical response from your parents, siblings, and grandparents?
(i.e., gentle words, neglect, advice, a listening ear, criticism, logic, sarcasm, humor, we didn’t talk about these kinds of things, I just got yelled at or told to get over it, someone took me aside to tenderly care for me, etc.)
2. What were some issues that you or your family faced during your childhood and teen years where hurt or conflict happened and comfort was needed?
(i.e., death in the immediate family, unplanned pregnancy, divorce or separation, behavioral or academic problems at school, self-esteem/self-worth issues, drugs or alcohol addiction, pornography, an affair, arguments or fights at home, sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal/emotional abuse, parents having “favorites” among siblings, uninvolved parents, etc.)
3. Do you know people who are good at comforting others? What makes them so good at revealing comfort and helping others walk through tough times?
(i.e., my parent, my spouse, one of my grandparents, an aunt or uncle, a teacher, a pastor or leader at my church, one of our children, a counselor, a friend, etc.)
4. According to 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, whose job is it to comfort others when they are hurt? From where does comfort come? How do you think we benefit from comfort?
(i.e., we know we don’t have to face things alone, somebody really cares even though they can’t make everything OK, we feel heard, we feel loved, etc.)
5. What does comfort look like for you? How could your spouse “come alongside you with words, feeling, and touch; to give consolation with tenderness”?
(i.e., my spouse could ask me if I need help or a listening ear, could sit with me quietly while I try to process what is causing me to be sad or hurt, could hold me and let me feel their closeness, could hold my hand while I try to put things into words, could not try to “fix me” but let me simply get it out in the open, etc.)
What About the Kids? They have “needs” too!
You can use these questions/suggestions with your own children or another Child of Focus – if you don’t have children of your own. Remember that your children are never too old to have relational needs met.
1. What has happened in your child’s life for which he/she has needed comfort? (rejected by someone, endured an illness, a friend moved away, moved to a new location, did not make the team, was yelled at, called a name that could be a negative label, endured divorce of parents, struggled with fear, etc.)
2. How can you comfort your child or a “child of focus”? (listen well, make eye contact, offer words of understanding, remind of your love, just hold him/her, back rub, tenderness, loving attitude toward him/her)