Ingredient of the Week
Affectionate Care “I care about you.” “I want to be your friend.”
Enemy – Unresolved Pain in the Relationship
We married people sometimes feel like one or more of the following: bread-winner, bill payer, clothes launderer, chauffeur, shopper for stuff, house-keeper, chief cook and bottle washer, etc. What about a “friend”? Do you and your spouse communicate deep care for each other as true friends in the middle of all those other titles? Let’s take a few minutes to discuss an essential ingredient in a healthy marriage: Affectionate Care.
A Worthy Goal: (a little Support from TBI)
Don’t stop investing wisely into your marriage and family until your children and friends envy your relationship and want what you have…. “faith expressing itself in love” – Galatians 5:6.
Set aside a few minutes this week or plan a date night to discuss Affectionate Care together.
Husband, would you lead this time? Please be prepared to lead by reviewing the questions below. When ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time.
LOVE(Speak)
1. Who is your best friend? What makes that person such a good friend?
2. What is something that you have done for your spouse that helps you communicate that you care deeply for him/her?
3. Discuss examples of times when you noticed that your spouse has prioritized your relationship over other events or people. (What are some commonly occurring events or instances that seem to cause conflict or at least tension about making family/spouse a higher priority?)
4. Is there anything from your past, some sort of “unresolved pain”, either as a couple or before you knew each other, that is keeping you from being as close to your spouse as you could be? Does he/she know that past issues are at play in the present? Are you aware of that possibility?
5. Think about other couples that you know… Do any of them seem to be especially good at being friends? If you feel like you could use some help in this area, ask them if they would share some of their “secrets” with you. If you need deeper help, your church or a counselor may be able to assist you. Doing the 52-Week plan regularly may be an asset to your deepening friendship. What about checking into a couples’ devotional like Never Alone Devotional for Couples at www.relationshippress.com. Please consider using RP-TBI in the space for affiliate code when ordering. That will help our ministry financially.
Application: Do you meet with each other on a regular basis to discuss schedules, finances, etc.? Consider adding this question to the agenda: “Where do you most need my help today, this coming week (month, etc.)?”
What About the Kids?
Ask your “Child(ren) of Focus” to tell you about the times when they feel especially cared for and loved. If some ideas are needed to help them answer the question, you could read the following list:
- When we snuggle during story-time…
- When you read to me…
- When you help me feel better after I fall or get hurt.
- When my feelings are hurt and you let me know I am important…
- When you come to my special events and I see you in the crowd…
- When you cook my favorite meal…
- When you take me out for a special date…
- When you listen well and look at me when we talk…
When you discover things that help your child(ren) know you care, they may help you find other things to do that promote care in your relationship.