Our 52 Week plan revolves around how we can regularly, even daily, meet the needs of our spouse, children and others. Today we want to look at what may actually happen when those needs are met or go unmet….The Pain or Potential of Intimacy Needs.
Did you know that God created us to need each other? Yes, it is true! In fact, He often uses us to be His hands and feet to meet the needs of His children. It is a crazy thought that God Himself would use us, His flawed and imperfect kids, to do His Holy work; but He absolutely does! He intended for us to have our needs met not only by Him but through one another. He uses relationships through our marriage, family, friends, church and even total strangers to meet the needs He designed and established in us.
Think about times in your life that God worked through you to meet someone’s specific need that you felt moved with compassion or led by God to meet. How did it make you feel when you obeyed His voice and stepped forward to met that need? You might have felt nervous – depending on the circumstances – but what did you feel after the need was met? Joy? Love? Gratefulness? Humbled? I imagine it gave you positive feelings of fulfillment.
Let’s look at this from another angle. Suppose you were the one with the need. Maybe you suffered a loss or disappointment, and you really needed to be comforted, but no one met that need for you. What feelings might that bring up? More hurt? Loneliness? Depression? Anger?
We have varying degrees of pain when needs go unmet. But we can experience the potential, positive, joyful emotions, when that need is met. Unmet needs create even more feelings of aloneness, while needs met results if feeling cared for, loved, and valued. Actually meeting the needs of others from a heart of love and care can result in a two-way blessing – the one who need is met feels the care and the one meeting the need feels fulfilled in being the hands, voice, or arms of Christ to another loved member of God’s creation.
The Potential: Our needs are met! That may lead to feelings of worth and love! We feel secure and cared for. This may lead us to give kindness toward others and meeting others needs. If our needs are met this may overflow into our relationships. Our family, marriage and friendships can be increasingly healthy and fulfilling.
The Pain: Our needs go unmet. That may lead to feelings of self-condemnation and worthlessness. We may feel hurt, angry and alone. This may lead us to have a short fuse with others, or we may become manipulative to try to get our needs met. Needs that go unmet often turn into anger and that can overflow into our relationships. Our family and marriage may become tense, full of conflict and pain.
Do you see yourself in one of these scenarios? If you are one that had/have most of your needs met – especially in childhood, would you give God praise? Would you allow Him to use you to meet another’s needs in a healthy way? If you are one that may be carrying hurts around from unmet needs, would you allow God to comfort you? Do you have someone safe in your life with whom you can share your unmet needs – someone that will give you comfort and support?
God is a God of comfort. He longs to comfort you. He also loves to rejoice with you! Go to Him. Please know that even if you don’t believe there is another human being around who can or will try to understand and either celebrate with you or grieve with you, your loving Father will. Jesus was so often misunderstood and left to suffer His pain without the comfort of other human beings, but He knew how to take His pain to His Father. His Father is our Father too.
Would you ask God to open your eyes to someone (more than one) who will be a comfort to you and for whom you can be a comfort? The pain and potential of these intimacy needs is real and powerful.