Special: (E) Enjoyed
Secure Protected Enjoyed Courted Intimate Affirmed Led
Do you truly ENJOY your spouse? Do you laugh together and do things together that you both enjoy? Is your spouse your best friend? Do you simply enjoy just being with your spouse enjoying who they are? Experiencing these intimate moments together will absolutely lead to a fulfilled marriage.
I remember one birthday I planned a surprise for my hubby. He has always wanted a Mustang convertible but our pocket book wouldn’t allow that, so the next best thing would be to rent one for a weekend. Since this was a surprise I told him to just follow my directions on where we were going. I also packed a bag for us because the next part of the surprise was to drive through the mountains of NC to our friends cabin for the night. (To give him a chance to put that convertible to great use! 🙂 He was a little confused when we pulled into the rental place and the look on his face was priceless when they pulled up a red Mustang convertible. Needless to say he really enjoyed himself, and I really enjoyed seeing him beam. We had a great weekend together enjoying the ride through the mountains with the top down and our time together at the cabin.
E: Enjoyed
The Key to ENJOYING your spouse means spending time together and putting your spouse above all other activities.
Let’s begin this week by finding out what your spouse loves to do. Once you know what they ENJOY you can spend this week doing at least one of the things on their list. Have fun with it!
While you are doing that activity with your spouse, if its not rock climbing or something ;), maybe you can mention to them what you ENJOY about them! You might say, “Honey, I just love spending time with you. You just make me laugh and you bring me such happiness.” Or in a moment when you are particularly engaged in Enjoying your spouse, perhaps you mention how much you enjoy them. Talk with them about goals you can make together too. Maybe you have small children at home but one day those children will grow and go out on their own.(Heart breaking I know but it happens. We are raising our children to become independent adults after all.) One day it will be just the two of you. What will that look like for you as a couple? Maybe you want to plan another activity together that includes the children (hiking, camping in the backyard, cooking something over a fire pit, dinner and a movie night out or in, game night, sleeping in a blanket tent on the living room floor, etc). Dream together and plan. It can be so fun to share light-hearted, as well as, deeper things with your spouse.
Here’s a Challenge! When you and your spouse are alone, I want the two of you to sit face to face across the table (small one) or in chairs or on the sofa, but please get eye to eye. Without saying a word, I want you to look at each other in the eye for 30 seconds or up to a minute if you can. Set your timer to ring when the time is up so you don’t have to look at the watch, phone, clock. When you are finished just looking your partner in the eye, tell each other your thoughts but more importantly tell what feelings were aroused. You may be surprised that such a simple exercise has such a potentially profound impact.
May I speak to you if you are reading and thinking, “I don’t really enjoy my spouse. I love him/her but we are always busy, and we don’t have time to “dream” together. Our kids are little and we barely make it through the day!” May I suggest…dear friend, to make those moments happen? As I shared above, one day you and your spouse will watch your children leave and go on their own. Will you look at one another and wonder, “who are you, even?” Wouldn’t you rather glance over and say, “you and I, we can handle this together!” Might I even say that though you will miss those little footsteps in your home, you can begin a new chapter, together, and actually have fun.
Make the time now for your future marriage. What I mean is, make it a priority now to cultivate your relationship with your spouse apart from being mom and dad. Do things that the two of you enjoy once a week, twice a month, but without the kids. Swap babysitting with friends, call grandma and grandpa to come take the kids, they will love it by the way. Invest in your marriage now, so when the day comes for your babies to go on their own, you will be standing side by side with your best friend.
Maybe your children are already grown and you and your spouse are basically roommates. Do you go out to dinner and eat in silence and don’t really have anything to talk about? (Oh! how it breaks my heart to see that when I go out to eat.) You are not without hope my friend! You can begin to enjoy your spouse at any point in your marriage. It just takes being purposeful. In fact, why don’t you use this and other 52 Week Plan installments to fire up the conversations? We have a bunch of them archived for you if needed.
A close, intimate marriage will absolutely NOT HAPPEN by chance. Many years ago I heard God speak to my heart. God said, “You can’t just wish or hope for change you have to put in the work.” So many times, even all these years later in anything I do I hear, “You have to put in the work.” God helps us, yes, but He wants us to be active and take steps towards what we desire.
Do you desire to ENJOY your spouse? The first step towards that would be to ask your spouse, “What do you like to do?” Then….go do that with them!
Another ah-ha moment I had with the Lord was “focus on what YOU, all fingers pointing at me, can do to change. Stop hoping your spouse will do this or say that. You do it!” (That one hit me hard! Haha, it is funny to me now but it wasn’t then.) As an example, I began to serve my husband. I began to look for things I could do to speak, “I love you and you are important to me,” to him. I will be honest, this was hard for me to practice, but I am so thankful “I put in the work!” My husband IS my best friend and if you knew our story, for close to almost 20 years of marriage it wasn’t always the case. (We are married 32 years and counting) We loved one another, but I can’t say we always ENJOYED one another.
What we do at The Basic Idea, we do because we have seen God change so many relationships because of the scriptural principles of loving one another by meeting intimacy needs. We have seen God change our own marriages! It is our deepest desire that you have an abundant marriage full of love, fun, and enjoyment and that those same intimate needs can be met in your children as well. Put these principles to work in your relationship, and you will be changed! Do the work friend! You won’t regret it!
We love you, truly friends.
Don’t Forget! Do at least one item on your spouse’s ENJOY list this week!