Special: (I) Intimate
Secure Protected Enjoyed Courted Intimate Affirmed Led
This week we will focus on Intimacy. We will discover what that might look like for the wife and the husband. I am sure you have already discovered that your husband/wife feels intimacy differently than you do, even if you haven’t been married very long. God created us that way! Being intimate with our spouse is not just about being physical. There is a depth of vulnerability that we need to reach before we have the freedom to share our bodies, minds and souls.
Husbands/wives, are you willing to take the time this week to discover your spouse’s need for intimacy and how they feel it? Do you know if they feel the freedom to share their body, soul and mind with you? Can you see the value in knowing this about your spouse? Isn’t this the kind of relationship you thought about having when you said “I Do”?
I:Intimate
The Key to being INTIMATE with your spouse involves a freedom to share all of yourself….body, soul and mind.
Husbands, what do you need to be free from in order for your wife to feel more intimate with you? How is your mood and attitude around her? When you are at home is your focus turned towards your wife or are you still working whether it be physically, on the phone, in your office or mentally, thinking of tomorrow’s tasks at work? When you see your wife at day’s end, what is your habit? Do you go straight to the TV or workshop or do you greet your wife and ask how her day was?
Look within yourself and ask God to show you anything inside of you that may be hindering the intimacy you so desire from your wife. Can you change your attitude about things or can you change your habits? I bet you would see her warming towards you if you pay a little attention to your own heart and begin to change some old ways. (If you need to that is)
Maybe you are comfortable with how intimate your wife is with you. Remember, intimacy is mind body and soul. Can you go deeper? What about sharing your soul? Do you share your feelings, dreams and fears with her? Do you share the deep things that God speaks to your heart about? I can only imagine that as you begin to share these feelings and thoughts with her she will begin to do the same with you leading to a deeper more intimate connection between you.
Husbands, here are some suggestions for building intimacy with your wife:
Date her. Take her away for the weekend. Give her your attention. Tell her you love her. Hold her hand. Open the car door for her. Bring her flowers – for no particular reason. Ask her how her day was? Offer to help with things around the house. Tell her she is beautiful. Don’t put expectations on her. Put your wife first. Listen to her dreams and share yours. Pray with her and do a Bible study together.
It really is the day-to-day loving touches as those above, and others you can think of, that bring a deeper sense of intimacy into your relationship. Worth it??? You bet!!!
Wives: One word to remember. Cheerleader! Are you your husband’s biggest cheerleader? Your husband will feel secure and be free to share his innermost with you if he knows you have his back. Ask yourself: Do I criticize my husband or make him feel like a child by how I talk to him or treat him? This potentially will knock your husband’s attention away from you in an instant.
Your husband wants to know that he has the freedom to share things with you that he probably does not share with anyone else. How you respond to that sharing though will determine if he feels secure in doing that or not. Do you support your husband and tell him so with your words and actions? When he is vulnerable how do you respond…. with love, affection, excitement or do you criticize, tease or belittle him? Does he know you will keep what he shares in confidence? (Not sharing with your girlfriends)
Ask God to show you! Ask God if what you say to your husband builds him up or tears him down. Ask God to show you how you can be your husband’s greatest cheerleader.
Wives, here are some suggestions for building intimacy with your husband:
Love him. Hug him after a long day. Brag on him in front of others. Be supportive. Reach for his hand when you are watching TV together. Plan a surprise date. Ask him for his help. Tell him how proud you are of him as a husband/dad/friend. Initiate affection. Pray for him. Tell him how you feel about him. Tell him he looks handsome. Let him know you appreciate his efforts to provide for the family. Respect him.
After each of you has prayerfully considered areas within yourself where you could improve intimacy in your marriage, would you come together and share what you discovered? Yes, this is a VERY vulnerable area and no doubt may feel uncomfortable, but the goal is intimacy, isn’t it? Intimacy involves deep vulnerability with one another. Check how you respond as your spouse shares. OK? Be sure to listen well and respond appropriately. (Gentle touch, sorrow, forgiveness, respect and maybe even a little shared laughter but be careful to be his/her support – and did I say “listen well”?)
Being married is not always easy, but with intentional, wise investment in order to meet one another’s deepest needs, marriage can be the most fulfilling relationship possible. I am pretty sure that is what God intends.
Below are some scripture verses that are a good check for yourself. During your time with God while asking Him to speak to you about being more intimate with your spouse, will you read over these verses and ask yourself the following question: Do I treat my spouse in this way?
By living out these verses (and so many others) with your spouse it just may lead you down the road to the intimate relationship you so desire with the one your heart loves!
Colossians 3: 12-14 Colossians 3:23 1 Corinthians 3:12-14 Ephesians 4: 2-3 Ephesians 4: 29-32 Ephesians 5:1a Ephesians 5: 22-33 Acts 4:32a Galatians 6:9
Song of Solomon 6:3a I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine