Appreciation
Expressing thanks, praise or commendation, particularly in recognition of someone’s accomplishments or efforts. Gratefully acknowledging what someone “does” (Colossians 3:15b, 1 Corinthians 11:2)
Approval (Blessing)
Building up or affirming another person, particularly for who they are (as opposed to what they do); affirming both the fact and the importance of our relationship with another person.( Ephesians 4:29; Mark 1:11)
Many times when we meet to discuss relational needs with a group of couples we often hear, “Appreciation and Approval are the same thing!” Really, they are not. They are very similar but hopefully after this 52 week plan we will have a better understanding of the stark differences between the two – when we give and when we receive them.
See if you can spot appreciation and approval in these scenarios below.
1st Scenario:
The game is tied. Little Johnny has the soccer ball, and he is dribbling the ball up the field to make a goal. He kicks! He scores!!! His parents go wild in the stands! “Way to go Johnny! You did it! You won the game!!” Little Johnny comes running off the field to be met by his parents, and they give him high fives! Johnny, all your hard work has paid off! You practiced so hard and you were able to make that difficult goal because of it! We are so proud of you son and how hard you worked!
2nd Scenario:
“It has been a very long day at work”, thought Mike.” I am pretty tired.” Mike pulls in the driveway, runs in the house, kisses his bride and starts off to the back yard to fire up the lawn mower. Mike comes in after an hour or so, sweaty and hungry. He pops in the shower and meets his wife at the dinner table. “Honey, his wife says, I want you to know that I know you are tired after a day of work yet you still come home and take care of the lawn. Thank you. You are such a hard worker and I feel so loved by how you take care of our family.”
3rd Scenario:
Emma is spending the day with her friend Mary. They do some fun activities together and end their day together at lunch. During lunch Emma shares, “ Mary, I have been meaning to tell you, I have so much fun when I am with you, and I love that I can be open and myself whenever I am with you. I love that we can laugh and at times cry together. You have such a heart for Jesus, and you help me grow by what you share what God is doing in your life. You are truly a treasured friend to me. “
So did you spot them? What was appreciation and what was approval? Let’s have a look:
1:The game is tied. Little Johnny has the soccer ball and he is running up the field to make a goal. He kicks and scores!!! His parents go wild in the stands! “Way to go Johnny! You did it! You won the game!!” (This is appreciation! Parents celebrated an accomplishment) Little Johnny comes running off the field to be met by his parents and they give him high fives! ( Non-verbal appreciation) “Johnny, all your hard work has paid off! You practiced so hard and you were able to make that difficult goal because of it! (appreciation of his efforts in practicing) We are so proud of you son, we love you!” (approval: proud that he was their son, who he is)
2:“It has been a very long day at work, thought Mike. I am pretty tired.” Mike pulls in the driveway, runs in the house, kisses his bride and starts off to the back yard to fire up the lawn mower. Mike comes in after an hour or so, sweaty and hungry. He pops in the shower and meets his wife at the dinner table. “Honey, his wife says, I want you to know that I know you are tired after a day of work yet you still come home and take care of the lawn. Thank you. (appreciation for what he did) You are such a hard worker, and I feel so loved by how you take care of our family.” (approval: Acknowledged his heart for his family and work ethic)
3. Emma is spending the day with her friend Mary. They do some fun activities together and end their day together at lunch. During lunch Emma shares, “ Mary, I have been meaning to tell you, I have so much fun when I am with you and I love that I can be open and myself whenever I am with you. I love that we can laugh and at times cry together. You have such a heart for Jesus and you help me grow by what you share what God is doing in your life. You are truly a treasured friend to me. “ (approval: Emma was building up Mary by sharing what she as a person and friend meant to her simply because of who Mary was.)
Do you see the differences? Sure we need both appreciation: “Acknowledge my hard work, Point out my accomplishment, thank me for something I did,” but we also need to hear approval, “You are an amazing friend. I love your heart for your family, for Jesus. I love who you are!”
If we are only acknowledged for what we do and not for who we are, it may make us feel we have to always “DO” (appreciation) to get love instead of just being loved for who we are
(approval). See the huge difference? Each can have a tremendous impact on our life.
1.Walk in the Light of Fresh Encounters with Jesus:
a. Did Jesus and His followers ever show appreciation to others? Did He or they show gratitude for what people did or for their efforts? Read Philippians 1:3-5 and hear how the Apostle Paul praised others and the actions for which he praised them. Basically, Paul said, “Thank you for what you do and have done!” In Matthew 8: 5-10 Jesus appreciated the act of faith He saw as the centurion expressed how much he understood Jesus’ power to heal and the authority Jesus had over his servant’s health.
b. Jesus showed approval for His disciples when he shared with them that he “no longer called them servants” but would now refer to them as “friends”. (John 15:15) He was grateful for them and for the relationships they’d forged.
Approval, then, is commendation for the relationship that has shown the character of the person, over time.
Appreciation is the praise given for acts of service and kindness or effort shown in the recent past…perhaps having just been done.
2.Do the Book – The Light of God’s Word
a. Let’s be on the lookout for the actions of others for which we can express appreciation. “Thank you, son/daughter, for working on that room. Thank you for trying hard to do well on that lesson.”
b. Also, take the time to tell your friend, spouse/friend, child, friend, extended-family member, neighbor, boss, or co-worker how much their kindness, honesty, hard-work, encouragement, frugality, or the relationship itself has meant to you over time. In what ways have they blessed you, helped you, encouraged you, or kept you safe?
Catch others “Doing the Book” and tell them what you saw/see: “I saw how kindly you treated that other child, thank you. The Bible says, “Be kind to one another…”, and you were. (Ephesians 4:31) If you see qualities repeatedly, then an approving statement could be: “You are showing such kindness to people so often and that lets me know that you are becoming a loving person. You treat people the way Jesus does. I am proud of you and thankful to have a son like you.”
3.Share in the Light of Real Fellowship
a. Get together with a friend or family member and ask them, “Who in your life has been helpful to you either from years ago or recently? Of whom can you say, ‘You have meant a great deal to me in my career, spiritual life, or as a friend?’
b. With whom could you celebrate their achievement or accomplishment or significant effort?