Attention
Conveying appropriate interest, concern, and care: taking notice of others and making an effort to enter their respective worlds
I Corinthians 12:25
Jesus left the Father to enter our world.
Philippians 2:6-8
Wow, this week is worth your attention for sure! We are about to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ our Lord. But with all the hurry of the season, who has time for paying some attention to “paying attention”? We choose to whom or to what we give our time and attention! Would you take a few minutes to give focused attention and enter your spouse’s world? Here at Christmas – what better gift to give each other that the gift of God’s love expressed more powerfully this week and in coming weeks than ever in your marriage, your family, to those both inside and outside the faith! Jesus is God’s gift of love for eternity and for now.
Please don’t hesitate to let us know if you have any questions or suggestions!
The TBI Ministries Team
A Worthy Goal: (a little Support from TBI)
Don’t stop investing wisely into your marriage and family until your children and friends envy your relationship and want what you have…. “faith expressing itself in love” – Galatians 5:6.
Set aside a few minutes this week or plan a date night to discuss Attention together.
Husband, would you lead this time? Please be prepared to lead by reviewing the questions below. When ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time.
LOVE(Speak)
In the questions below, the phrase “your world” refers to those likes, dislikes, activities, people, challenges and opportunities that occupy your time, engage your thoughts, and receive investments of time, talent, and wealth.
1. If someone could walk beside you for a week and even know your thoughts, how would they describe “your world”? Choose or use 3 terms.
(fast, slow, busy, fun, friends, alone, scary, children’s needs, great boss, crummy leadership at work, something seems to be wrong, organized, travel, reports, projects, deadlines, financial growth, money problems, struggle with thoughts, positive attitude, thankful, never satisfied, sleep-deprived, etc)
2. How would you describe “your spouse’s world” to another person?
(this may be hard for some of us, see suggestion list for #1)
3. How would you describe a way your spouse could join you in “your world” and help you feel even more connected to one another as friends and partners?
(exercise or relax together, spend time reading in the same room, take time to pray with you about all that is going on currently, be a good listener, initiate dates and special times away, ask your spouse what he/she wants to do more of together, ask spouse how your friendship is going, help more around the house and do project together,etc.)
4. What can you do to make sure your spouse is in your thoughts more often, that you are paying more attention to him/her, or that you are appropriately entering “his/her world” often?
(plan calendar together, pray together, think quietly about the answer to #3 and determine changes you can make to give her more space in your world, ask him/her questions based on your #4 answer to make sure you know his/her world accurately, cut out the fat in your calendar, shift priorities to move him/her to a higher position – such as, right after your relationship with God, make sure you consider his/her world before making plans for both of you, talk about whether you feel the kids/job/hobby is more important to you than is your relationship as a couple then get help to fix it if you can’t come up with ways on your own)
5. How can you communicate that he/she is in your thoughts? (notes, brief calls/texts during the day, date/be alone together more often, use the 52-Week Plan to encourage communication on a heart level, if you need help, etc)
Application: As a couple, do you meet with each other on a regular basis to discuss schedules, finances, etc.? Consider adding this question to the agenda:”Where do you most need my attention and how can I best enter your world or show caring involvement during those times?” (just listen, hold me, tell me you are not going to leave me alone to hurt by myself, etc.?)
What About the Kids? Ask – Listen – Respond
1. Ask your child/child of focus what he/she’d like to do for the evening or the next hour. Just do it! Enter the world of your child and hang out a while. Why not play or watch or have fun with each child..soon, often, and be present in heart as well as body?
2. Have a parent/child date night or date. Go some place new or to his/her favorite. Play and listen. Ask and respond appropriately (Romans 12:15).
Ask: What happened to you today that made you very happy? What happened to you today that made you sad?
Wherever your child chooses to go for your date time, have a Mac-Wonderful time!