Oh, Lord, It’s Hard to be Humble When You’re Perfect in Every Way!
(Ever heard that song?)
Have you ever been through a phase in life when you thought you knew it all? Paul David Tripp says in his book New Morning Mercies, that kids start out being interested in only one kingdom – their own. It looks a lot like selfishness. Well that makes sense because that is the one world of which they become aware first. They can then be guided into becoming more selfless’ and, by God’s grace, they will mature enough to put others needs and wishes above their own. Now, they are maturing into the caring adults we prayed they’d become. And if they come to faith in Jesus, each child places greater emphases on God’s kingdom and ways more than others or his own. Success! Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
We parents know, don’t we, that we needed help and lots of it along the way. It’s no wonder we prayed, read books, studied the Bible, and listened to wise counsel because while we were trying to rear our children, we too were (are) trying to grow into mature adults. I think our spouses often believe they are still trying to help us grow up. Maybe there is one more child in the family than those we brought into the world. Me or you?
As I have stated in previous articles, we human beings often do things on a scale between extremes. I guess it bares some resemblance to the political divide in our nation. News people talk about the far left and the far right, but most of us would consider ourselves in a healthy middle zone somewhere – not too radical either way. Parenting methods fit in that range too. Some seem way too lenient, trying to let the child make decisions for themselves earlier, while others exercise more control and intervene in their child’s decisions early on giving choices only when they feel their child will make fewer mistakes. I admit it is a hard place to find and stay. As teachers and church folks (and as parents and grandparents), Carol and I have seen tons of differences in the way people parent.
We have observed that marriages are on that continuum too and illustrate a variety of styles.
For instance: (BTW, these can be taken to extreme on either end of the scale_
- Some try to control the other’s behavior using negative feedback while others offer choices rather than abruptly saying, “no” or “we are not gong that”.
- Some use a loud voice to try to convince , while others won’t raise their voice at all.
- Some have lots of explicit rules while others have a more free-wheeling approach to decisions.
Here’s what we have concluded:
A. As spouses or parents: Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)
B. Let everyone be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger… (James 1:19-20)
C. A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger. (Proverbs 15:1)
D. Train up a child in the way he should go…(Proverbs 22:6)
E. A child left to himself disgraces his mother…(Proverbs 29:15)
I hope these are obvious for parenting/grand-parenting, but I want to make brief applications to marriage:
Ephesians 4:15 – We should neither ignore our spouse nor should we lie to our spouse
James 1:19-20 – Blowing up in rage does more harm than good. Let’s listen well.
Proverbs 15:1 – Use a soft answer to create a safe atmosphere in our home.
Proverbs 22:6 – We are constantly mentoring in our marriage. Mentor our spouse in love.
Proverbs 29:15 – It is not good for your spouse or you to have to live in the family with little-to-no attention paid them. We need to enter our spouse’s world by showing interest in the things he/she cares about.
By the way, no one could ever authentically sing that song referred to in the title at the top of the page. We aren’t perfect and it really isn’t that difficult to know how much we need God everyday in every way. I don’t want to try living this life even one day without His love and provision for me and my family.