“How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways.”

Who speaks like this any more?

Written in the 1800’s by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Sonnet (#43) expresses a depth of affection that communicates to our emotion, as well as, the mind. I opened with this title because too often love is assumed but not expressed. Let’s express it well. Perhaps we won’t be as eloquent as Ms. Browning, but it probably isn’t really necessary to be clever as much as it is to be clear.

Meeting the need for affection in those we love is as important for their emotional health as it is for ours. God must think it is important since God IS love, and commands love as the first priority of our days on this earth; i.e., the Greatest Commandment.

Affection Defined:

Expressing care and closeness through appropriate physical touch and simple words, saying “I love you” or “I care about you”

How can the need for affection be met?

You might consider some of the following ways:

1. Appropriate greetings with smiles, handshakes, welcoming words,
2. Recognition of special days and occasions
3. Saying it out loud in appropriate times/places – I love you; I really care for you
4. Holding hands, gentle touches, arm around the waist or shoulders
5. Allowing your eyes to “light up” as you look at him/her

What if the need for Affection is met?

• The object of your affection has the right information and clear cues to identify your feelings and commitment to him/her.
• You are communicating the special place in your heart they hold
• Welcoming emotion is expressed and response is invited
• Friendship is enhanced
• Intimacy is deepened

I have heard it said that if you want to know how successfully a man is loving his wife well, just observe her countenance. Her smiling, peaceful expression may be a clue to her contentment with being loved well by her husband. Just a thought.

What if the need for Affection is not met?

Just take the list above and remove each one! Aloneness deepens when affection is replaced with coldness. Not a pretty site. In fact, when we don’t meet our spouses need for affection or at least try, we are treating him/her as if we were divorced or wanted one. Years ago, when I was going through a very self-focused time of feeling sorry for myself. My heavenly Father asked me, “Are you going to divorce her?” And I said, “Well, no I am not.” He said to my soul, “Then stop treating her as if you are planning to do it.” I was broken and got His message.

God’s commands and provided resources are clearly for our loving Him and others and even ourselves appropriately. Matthew 22:37-39; John 13:34-35

Are you aware of how deeply He loves you? John 3:16

God’s love for us delivered by Holy Spirit and purchased by the blood of Jesus Christ is our only real source of deep love for others.

Let’s tap into it today relying more deeply on His love in us to be given away to others revealing His heart.

______________

Here is a poem about loving another person deeply:

How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of being and ideal grace.

I love thee to the level of every day’s

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for right.

I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

This poem is in the public domain.