Affectionate Caring
“I care about you!” “I am for you!.”
A Worthy Goal: (a little “Truth in Love” from TBI)
Don’t stop investing wisely into your marriage and family until your children and friends envy your relationship and want what you have…. “faith expressing itself in love” – Galatians 5:6.
Rather than an “ancient Chinese martial art”, Caring is the way to show that we are safe, kind, and open to being approached. In other words, we are “for” each other!
For the next 3 installments of the 52-Week Plan, we will be exploring “ingredients of a healthy relationship”. In Chapter 5 of the Intimate Encounters workbook, these 4 ingredients are explained. They are as follows:
1. Affectionate Care
2. Vulnerable Communication
3. Joint Accomplishment 4. Mutual Giving.
This week we are examining Affectionate Care. So let’s discover how good we are at demonstrating to our spouse –in no uncertain terms — that “I am FOR you!”
Be intentional about setting aside a few minutes this week or planning a date night to discuss Affectionate Caring together.
Husband, would you lead this time by reviewing the statements to be completed or questions being asked so that you know how to make the most of your time? When you are ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time with your wife.
As you use this tool – the 52-Week Plan – be sure to make a significant portion of the Marriage Staff Meetings fun and lighten things up a bit. Having fun together is one reason we offer this tool for your communication and intimacy.
LOVE SPEAK…
Light Source #1: Fresh Encounters with Jesus Christ
Was Jesus caring only toward little children in the first century in Israel? Because Jesus is “the same yesterday, today, and forever”, is it possible that his kindness and caring are extended to you and to me?
Obvious answer: YES!
As you are quiet and still, would you picture Jesus tenderly blessing, touching little children and “allowing them to come to Him”? Would you look in the little group of children and recognize the face of one child in particular? You are a child He loves dearly and welcomes into His presence. Let Him touch your face, give you a bear hug, and draw you close to His heart. Thank Him for caring for you. He does!
Light Source #2: Frequent Experiences in the Word (Do The Book) Let’s Do: I Peter 5:7 – “… casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”
1. Would you list your current top 4-5 circumstances causing you to feel anxious?
2. After making the list would you quietly explain them to your Father in heaven?
3. Now, ask specifically for God’s indwelling Holy Spirit to give you His perspective on each one? He won’t minimize your concern, but He may remind you that He loves you regardless of the outcome of those circumstances. He is “bigger than all my problems and fears”..to quote an old song.
4. Now would you please close your eyes again….to see Jesus dying for you even when you were His enemy? Would you thank Him then tell Him you know He is FOR you. Men, you may not ever tell another soul, but telling Jesus is not weak or unmanly. Ladies, if you have to come to Jesus over and over again until you KNOW He cares, do it.
5. Now, would you ask your Father if you are free to tell your spouse or a caring other friend what you have told Him in prayer? Please consider speaking the truth in love to your spouse about at least some of the things you are carrying. Affectionate Caring my be most powerfully communicated when another person listens and offers to “be there” even if we can fix none of the items mentioned.
Light Source #3: Others – Have Real Fellowship with Your Spouse
In a Marriage Staff Meeting over coffee or a meal or just sitting together in bed, please discuss your answers, experiences and conclusions from the Light Source #2 exercise above.
What About the Kids? They have “needs” too!
You can use these questions/suggestions with your own children or another Child of Focus – if you don’t have children of your own. Remember that your children or Children of Focus are never too old to have relational needs met.
1. Do your children feel love from you on a heart level? Do they guess they are or know they are loved? Do they know you are “for” them and “on their team”?
2. Have you ever sat beside their bed and asked “How is your heart tonight? Asking and listening then responding in a caring way gives your child a chance to know and feel your love. I don’t think it matters how old your kids are when you consider asking them these questions. You may want to phrase them differently but just ask them and see the response when you simply ask, listen, pray, and affectionately care.
Praying with them and allowing them to voice their feelings is a great and simple way to start the process.