Respect
Valuing one another highly, treating one another as important, and honoring one another with our words and actions. Romans 12:10; 1 Peter 2:17
Jesus valued the adulterous woman brought for judgment. John 8:10-11
A Worthy Goal: (a little “Truth in Love” from TBI)
Don’t stop investing wisely into your marriage and family until your children and friends envy your relationship and want what you have…. “faith expressing itself in love” – Galatians 5:6.
Everyone hopes to be respected, valued, and seen as important. That is as much a part of our DNA as our desire to be loved and known. A sad commentary on our church culture of the last 50 years – in my observation – is the discovery that though many of us were taught to behave and to believe; few of us were shown how to belong or to be known. In our attempt to help people know their desperate spiritual need for being forgiven (which is absolutely true), many were not shown nor mentored to the place of knowing how much we are loved and valued by God. Remember: “God so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten Son,” ?
In our dive into performance-based relationships we also lost sight of how to show God’s love to one another – helping them know how much we love and value them as individuals…not as projects or notches on our Jesus’ belt.
Would you walk with me and many others as we delve into releasing the love that Holy Spirit already has placed within us and into refreshing our ability to show the importance He places on us and others? We can do this by prayerfully asking God to open our heart and eyes to know and see others as He does.
Let’s start by focusing on our closest relationships at home. OK? OK!
Sincerely, Dave Lewis
Be intentional about setting aside a few minutes this week or planning a date night to discuss Respect together.
Husband, would you lead this time by reviewing the statements to be completed or questions being asked so that you know how to make the most of your time? When you are ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time with your wife.
As you use this tool – the 52-Week Plan – be sure to make some of the Marriage Staff Meetings fun to lighten things up a bit.
LOVE SPEAK…
Light Source #1: Fresh Encounters with Jesus Christ
Do you know how valued you are by Jesus Christ? Are you confident in how much He loves you? Just look at His Words and the ways He shows just how important you are to Him.
Would you read John 17:22-24- out loud if you are able? Would you stop a few minutes and listen to Jesus’ words:
22″The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one;
23 I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me.
24 Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, be with Me where I am, so that they may see My glory which You have given Me, for You loved Me before the foundation of the world…. “
Jesus wants us to be “one”, “unified”, “loved”, and to “be with Him”. Can you feel the value He places on you? Despite what hurtful things others may have said to you, ways you have been mistreated, or neglect that left you feeling unimportant; you need to know Jesus Christ values you so much that He gave His life for yours so you could know His love and be with Him forever.
Light Source #2: Frequent Experiences in the Word (Do The Book)
Let’s Do: Romans 12:10 – Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor;
1. In what ways would you like for others to show that you are respected and valued…. that you are important to them…..at home by spouse or children?…..at work by employer or fellow employees?
2. How do you feel each of these you’ve considered in Question 1 would like to be shown value, honored, and shown importance from you?
3. Would you prayerfully ask God to give you opportunities to show value and respect to others this week beginning at home? Perhaps showing others at work or at church that each has value would be another great place to illustrate God’s love by showing others how much He values them.
Light Source #3: Other Jesus Followers – Have Real Fellowship with Your Spouse
Please discuss the answers to these questions during your Marriage Staff Meeting and enjoy having real fellowship and deepening friendship with your spouse:
Would you please share your answers with each other from Questions 1, 2, and 3 in the Light Source #2 section above?
4. Feeling Brave?
Ask your spouse to evaluate you on how well you show respect to others. In the evaluation your spouse could include how well you show respect in conversations by listening thoroughly and responding appropriately, how often you ask questions then listen for the answer, or how much you dominate conversations versus allowing others time to express their views. Maybe you could ask for an assessment of how much respect you demonstrate to your children, to extended family members, or to friends outside the family during discussions in which you are a participant. Don’t ask if you don’t think you can handle the answer. See #5. Remember, we are trying to promote communication and growth, not start a fight! : )
5. Not Feeling Quite so Brave?
So, the next time you have a chance to listen to your spouse in an extended discussion make sure you turn toward her/him, make good eye contact, and listen intently – perhaps you could ask the kids to wait until you two are finished talking, you might just turn off the TV or other noise-maker, or you could make sure in other ways that you two will not be interrupted.
At an appropriate time in the discussion ask if he/she wants you to comment or to just listen. (Feel it or Fix it?)
Respond accordingly – Let her/him know kindly that you heard what was said.
What About the Kids? They have “needs” too!
You can use these questions/suggestions with your own children or another Child of Focus – if you don’t have children of your own. Remember that your children or Children of Focus are never too old to have relational needs met.
1. If you were still a child or teen, answer this question: How would you want your parents to show they respected you and valued you highly? How can you take this information and use it to better show respect / value to your Child of Focus?
2. Do you feel you have been disrespectful to your children while at the same time expecting them to respect you? I believe children are to respect their parents. How much easier would it be for them if they watched adults (parents) show respect to one another and to them along the way as they grow and develop? Just a thought…….