Attention
Conveying appropriate interest, concern, and care; taking notice of others and making an effort to enter into their respective worlds I Corinthians 12:25
Jesus left the Father to enter our world. Philippians 2:6-8
Attention is discussed as something we “pay” – and when we pay attention, we are actually investing in that relationship, building relational capital. “Entering another person’s world” may be a great way to summarize the meeting of every need on every level. To know and be known, to love and be loved is to enter another life on a level where intimacy happens and aloneness is removed. Let’s take a few minutes to discuss Attention, and perhaps discover how we can more effectively meet the need for Attention for your spouse.
Be intentional about setting aside a few minutes this week or planning a date night to discuss Attention together.
Husband, would you lead this time by reviewing the statements to be completed or questions being asked so that you know how to make the most of your time? When you are ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time with your wife.
LOVE (Speak) —
1. Choose 5 words to describe the life and world you knew as a child or teen. Examples: average, lonely, fun, free, happy, neutral, normal, confusing, exciting, loving, loud, alone, crowded, etc.
2. Choose 5 words to describe the life and world you experience now as an adult. Examples: same as above, average, lonely, fun, free, happy, neutral, normal, confusing, exciting, loving, loud, alone, crowded, etc.
3. In your childhood and teen years who knew your world and entered it often? How did that person enter your world? How do you wish someone had entered?
4. What do you think (before you ask him/her) your spouse wants you to do or say (not do or not say) to enter his/her world and pay close attention? Feeling Brave? Take the guesswork out. Ask your spouse how accurate your guesses are.
5. What can your spouse do to enter your adult world to help you know you are not alone and to help you feel known and loved? Give your spouse clear clues where possible: sit beside me, look at me when we talk, take me somewhere alone, take an interest in my work, help me at home with the house, talk with me about the kids or our lack of kids, hold me when I cry about my loss, tell me when you appreciate me, have more times of romance/dating/sex, etc.
What About the Kids?
You can use these questions/suggestions with your own children or another Child of Focus – if you don’t have children of your own. Remember that your children are never too old to have relational needs met.
1. How can you more effectively enter your child’s world, connect to his/her heart, and help him/her feel appropriately loved and known?
Examples: play what he wants until he is finished, let them talk without interruption, sit quietly as they play, read a book in the same room while he studies, pitch ball / kick the ball / hike / swim / etc. , attend events where he participates, ask good questions that request more than a “one word” answer etc.
2. Based on your answers to Questions 1 and 2 in “Love (Speak)”, what do you feel are the hindrances adults face as they try to enter the world of a child and what are some potential benefits to the child and to the adult when attention is given?