Approval (Blessing): Building up or affirming another person, particularly for who they are (as opposed to what they do); affirming both the fact and the importance of our relationship with another person.( Ephesians 4:29; Mark 1:11)
When you know you are important to someone, anyone, it’s a big deal, isn’t it? But when you know you are an important part of the life of someone you truly respect and love, well, that is a huge deal.
Do you think it is possible that a person (maybe someone you know) could go through his/her entire life and not feel the approval of any other human being? I do. Not only do I think it is possible, but in too many cases it is likely to be a fact. Oh, I don’t mean that no one thinks they are important or considers them a valuable part of life, but I do believe we have a difficult time communicating value to another person.
OK, let’s keep it simple. What would it take for you, personally, to feel approval from a person you love and respect – someone from whom you want to feel approval? See definition above.
Before reading on, would you write or think of a few ways that others could demonstrate that you are valuable and that your relationship with them is really important?
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May I offer you a suggestion or two or three that you could use to help others know how much you value them; how much you approve of them?
- Listen well to them when they speak. I mean some of the old “how to really love your child” stuff from the author Ross Campbell. To communicate approval when you listen, turn to them (unless you are driving or operating heavy machinery). When sitting at home, at a restaurant, or some venue when face-to-face orientation is possible, look into the eyes of the one speaking to you. Try not to let your mind wander or feel you have to have a response. Just listen with your eyes, your ears, your body language, and your heart. I am learning to listen better when Carol speaks to me. I am more intentionally looking right into her eyes. Sometimes looking into her eyes draws me closer and I want to kiss her, but that’s why I said “try not to let your mind wander”. ☺
- Ask good questions and then Listen (see above). When asking a question, phrase it in such a way that opens the door to more than a one-word response. Rather than “how was your day?” ask “Would you tell me something about your day that made you laugh, made you smile, made you feel good, or made you sad?” You may want to start slowly and not ask deeper questions at first. Warm up the conversation first. When my mother was in her 80’s and 90’s, we employed this tactic to try to get her to tell us about herself. She finally opened up about things important to her. I remember asking her “Mom, what was your childhood like?”. Her initial response was short and pretty generic, but I asked again by asking “Did you have fun?” Well, that did it. She opened up about facts in her life that I had never heard.
- Finally, be aware of whether your responses to others opens the door to conversation wider or shuts the door.
The Bible gives us super clues to principles of communication. Ephesians 4:29 – Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
W hen you answer someone, try to meet their happy conversations with encouraging words: “That is great. I am so glad you got to do that/go there/experience that!”
When they tell you difficult situations they are facing, you might say, “I know that must be really hard.” Or, “It makes me sad to know you are going through that.”
You might even invite that person to speak about the joyful or difficult situation further at another time. Or perhaps you could pray with them. That would be a good next step to demonstrate you value the person and the relationship.
God speaks to us and clearly tells us we are important to Him. He longs for a relationship with us and let’s us know He loves us (John 3:16; Acts 17:25; 2 Peter 3:9). We can’t really do a great job of loving others without coming to know how loved we are by Jesus. 1 John 4:19
Action: Would you identify at least one person in your life to whom you want to communicate approval and value, then engage some of the tools of the trade described above to help them know (not guess) that you approve of them and cherish your relationship? Friends need it. Children need it. Spouses need it. Parents need it. Siblings need it. Co-workers need it. You need it too!!!