The Man in the Middle Was Quick to Judge
Tom, the gentleman in the middle of the top pic, is a dear friend of ours, a retired contractor, and a quick wit. When he happened to descend into my basement to inspect the work I was doing, his first words (I mean the very first words) were, “You did it wrong!” Can I say that I didn’t appreciate it very much. Once I explained the process, he was a bit kinder, but his eye caught it first. His other criticism, mostly constructive, helped my friend Rick and me do a better job than we would have.
I was very glad his and Rick’s help came near the front of the project not at the end, when I might have messed up stuff that was much harder to undo. Then it hit me, why don’t we have folks in our family, the church, our circle of friends at a club or team who help us in our marriage or before we married. Do you think we might have avoided some potholes along the way?
Here’s the question I am asking myself and would like for you to consider, not as judgment but as encouragement to make our outcome better than it might have been had we not asked and answered the question honestly.
The Question: What if the whole world of couples, married or planning to be, were using your marriage as the template / the standard by which they’d measure their own relationship?
Or stated otherwise: What if others looked to your marriage to know how to be successful in life and family?
I certainly understand that no relationship is perfect, but we also absolutely should be making progress. Am I right? But how is progress to be made in marriage? Do you and your spouse have other encourager couples with whom you are building friendships? Do you have conversations about how things are going and how you could love that spouse (yours) even better?
I have asked the question and will answer it for myself and with Carol. We want to get better at love and life. We want our children to know that our marriage is worth imitating – not every aspect of it- we know that, but much of it! Can you see why I am so thankful for the equipping we received in 1994 that changed us. Can you also see that the passion in my heart for godly homes and relationships is alive and well?
We’ve discovered in fresh ways how much God truly loves us, began to practice relationship truths in our marriage, and we developed a deep love and like for each other as we surrounded ourselves with friends who were like-minded – who wanted to have great marriages and love well. We were not there to judge who was better but to learn from each other and encourage one another to love and good deeds.
I can’t think of a healthier way to invest the rest of our lives than loving God with all or our heart, soul, mind, and strength, as well as, loving others as we love our own life. Can you? OK, then, what are we waiting for? Let’s just do it and pray God’s will be done. BTW it is His will and 1 John 5:14-15 makes it clear if we ask what He wants for us in the first place, we’ll get it.
14 And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. 15 And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for.
Let’s pray and ask our good, good Father to put His love in us so we’ll know Him personally as the lover of our soul. We will clearly show His love to the world, so that when they follow our lives, they’ll see Jesus’ love and let Him set the standard.
1 Peter 3:8-9
8 Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. 9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.