I Am Pretty Sure Someone You Know Is Afraid to Love
Just yesterday I received a call from a long-time friend of the family about her mom’s passing. The sadness it aroused in me was deep but not as deep as the grief her daughter felt. When we love another person, we run the risk of being hurt or being disappointed and of being abandoned. Those outcomes are reasons some won’t get close enough to give or receive love. They are afraid they will be hurt ….again.
Usually, those who live this way – standing at a distance from those who’d love them – have been hurt deeply before and don’t want to be hurt again. May I suggest hurt in this life is inevitable no matter how hard we try to avoid it? The hurt that may come from a close relationship is worth the risk. Don’t you think? The pain of being disappointed by someone we love or even “abandoned” when that person dies will hurt deeply and perhaps for an extended time. But, that hurt can be and should be healed by our grieving, talking it through with caring others(Romans 12:15), prayerfully grieving our pain before the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3-4), and spending time recalling the good things about the person whose absence is causing the sorrow.
In fact, I encourage the hurting to not ignore the pain but to talk it out, pray it through, and remember the contributions of those who hurt us. If there is a need to forgive them for offenses left over inside our heart, then forgiving the offender allows me to grieve their loss and not carry the weight of bitterness or anger. Grieving and receiving comfort opens our heart to remember the good things we may have hidden beneath our pain.
Since there is a powerful antidote for the pain of our losses, let’s go ahead and love others deeply from the heart, as Jesus told us and His disciples reminded us. Let’s enjoy others while we have them, love deeply, remove barriers, and make memories while we can. Sure it hurts when they leave us or hurt us, but at least we won’t have to carry the deeper, and at times longer-lasting pain of regret over what we didn’t do when we had the chance.
God’s plan for loving is brilliant and rewarding, but it does have risks! Jesus came and loved us (still does). We hurt Him. His disciples didn’t get the message as soon as they should have, and we are similarly disposed. He loves us first and empowers us to love others, then gives us the tools to heal from the hurt that will come in our closest relationships.
In a week or so, I may be conducting the funeral service for our friend, and I will need to practice what I teach by dealing with the sorrow of her loss so that I can offer comfort and direction to those even closer to her than I.
Who in your live needs to know more clearly how much you love them? If you are afraid to love because you might be hurt, please understand that loving others deeply from the heart is worth the risk and demonstrates to others that we are Jesus’ disciples because we are fearless in love!
You will be glad you did.
So far, in my 73 years, I am seeing the wisdom in what God has taught me and what I just wrote to you.
Dave