Where did you come from? What difference does it make?
Once upon a time (this is not a fairy tale), I didn’t appreciate my Dad or my Mom. I took them for granted as I did most of my family and friends. I came to realize that I had missed knowing them, understanding and expressing my love to them. Though they didn’t do a very good job of showing me how to love, be a friend, resolve conflict, or show emotion, I am not pointing fingers; just stating facts.
For several years, those things I didn’t get from home limited, at least in my estimation, my ability to love and accept love from others. It was as if I was becoming my parents. I didn’t think that was a good thing, but something dramatic happened. God allowed me and my wife to attend a marriage workshop/conference where we examined our past and looked honestly at what we learned – the good, the blessings, the bad, and the ugly.
Guess what? I discovered that those influences were still having an impact, but it wasn’t all bad. In fact, much of what I got from Dad and Mom was really good. I was blessed by learning honesty, a great work ethic, loyalty, and making room for Jesus in my life. I also discovered I didn’t know much about understanding others or what it meant to know another person on a deep level. Knowing how to be a friend, a good one, alluded me.
Then after coming to a saving faith in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I was led to a passage of scripture that became my calling and focus for life…still is. Malachi 4:6 says in part, “…he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and children to their fathers…”
I didn’t realize why this concept was so striking to my soul. In 1994 at that marriage conference in Memphis, TN, I learned the answer. I wanted to know my Dad and for him to know me. He was such a great man of integrity, a good name, and a loyal hard-worker, but I think he didn’t know others deeply, even my Mom. His family’s troubled past and the death of his mother when he was a child left him alone and unknown in the next years of living in a place where he felt unwanted. He brought those hurts and patterns into marriage with my Mom, and we then lived it out as a family.
So, what am I saying? I am saying that looking into the past to deal with hurt and guilt and heal it is worth it. Maybe you could do a little examining and praying to make sure you are not burdened in your relationships with the bad stuff you saw or the good stuff you didn’t learn. Those rocks in our life’s backpack need to be jettisoned, don’t they? It is never too late to get free….free to love and perhaps to better understand what our parents and grandparents brought to the table when they married and created your family line. You may also thank God and others who taught you the good stuff by setting loving examples for your life.
Hebrews 12:1-2 makes it clear that we are not to ignore weight(hurt from others) and sin(damage I cause) but deal with them effectively, and we will get free as we do.
Remember the marriage conference I mentioned earlier? Our hope and prayer is to be able to continue to offer similar marriage workshops in church’s and locations as God continues to open doors of service this year and beyond.