Affection: Expressing care and closeness through physical touch and through words such as “I love you” or “I Care about you.”
(Romans 16:16. Mark 10:16)
When you are newly-wed, affection is probably top on your relationship list! Being close physically, emotionally, with your words and actions (flowers, plans to be together, little “I love you” notes, etc..). Have you noticed, though, over time, affection may slowly fade? It certainly is not intentional, but with the demands of life, children and daily chores, prioritizing affection may happen less and less.
Without affection or with less of it, we tend to question, “Am I loved?” I think a big reason marriages end in divorce is because they have allowed affection to slowly fade to the point of questioning, “Do I even love this person anymore? Do they still love me?”. I say “allowed” because affection needs to be intentional, especially when kids come into the family or work takes priority . The more “life” demands means you need to become more intentional to ensure affection does not slowly fade.
Dating your spouse, sitting together to talk or just holding hands while you watch TV after the kids go to bed, little surprises, kisses goodnight, initiating sex, or even being close while praying are all “doable” practices to keep affection in your relationship.
The same “slow fade” may happen with your children too. When your child is first born you smother his/hers cute little chubby cheeks with kisses. Hugs, tickles, and bedtime stories are a normal part of your relationship with your child. As your child grows or as more children come along, affection tends to happen less and less. School, after-school activities, child wanting more time with friends over time with mom and dad certainly all lead to less affection. This does not mean you love your child less but affection tends to fade the older he/she gets.
Granted, affection does and should change appropriately as your child grows, but never let affection fade to the point of non-existence. Again, we must get more intentional because your teenager may try to ignore you! 😉 Truth is, they need your kind affection even more than ever.
One great way to share affection with an older child is to have a family puzzle always in the works. Sitting around the table working on a puzzle together, or having a meal, or asking how to pray for each family member leads to talking about his/her day, opens up a safe time to talk more deeply or not say much at all. This time is just a simple way to connect affectionately.
God has placed the need for affection in each one of us. Affection will look differently for each member of your family but find the best, appropriate way to share affection. Your relationships can thrive or slowly fade…the choice is yours!