Joint Accomplishment “I need you.” “Each of us is important, but how much more could we accomplish by working together?”
Enemy of Joint Accomplishment is self-reliance. “I don’t need you.”
Mutual Giving “I love you.” “When both of us are loving the other selflessly, our love will grow stronger and more beautiful as years go by. “Even if you stop giving to me, I will do my best to continue loving you unconditionally.”
Enemy of Mutual Giving is Selfishness – “You must meet my desires and needs as I dictate.”
A Worthy Goal: (a little “Truth in Love” from TBI)
Don’t stop investing wisely into your marriage and family until your children and friends envy your relationship and want what you have…. “faith expressing itself in love” – Galatians 5:6.
When you know your spouse cares and are able to communicate with trust, you two are crossing the 50-yard line, on your way to a marital Touch Down. After crossing the 50, you need to move the ball into field goal range by “Joint Accomplishment”. Don’t settle for the field goal, though. Score big!! You have crossed the Goal Line when you two begin “Mutual Giving” where each of you replaces selfish taking by manipulation and self-reliant refusal to let anyone into your world with the winning strategy called “Mutual Giving”.
As you can imagine, having a great marriage has little to do with the size of your home or bank account but much to do with scoring big as you pass the markers of Affectionate Caring, Vulnerable Communication, Joint Accomplishment, and Mutual Giving. Go ahead – run up the score – it’ll be fun and fulfilling!
Have a great week!
Sincerely,
Dave Lewis The Basic Idea Helping Leaders Live Loved and Give Love Freely….Starting at Home!
Set aside a few minutes this week or plan a date night to discuss JOINT ACCOMPLISHMENT and MUTUAL GIVING.
Husband, would you lead this time? Please be prepared to lead by reviewing the questions below. When ready, please initiate a “LOVE (Speak)” time.
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LOVE (SPEAK) Jesus made it clear: “love one another as I have loved you”. John 13: 34 – Since He loves us by inviting us to give him our burdens, the Holy Spirit will help us love others by helping carry their burdens. I John 5:14-15
1. Joint Accomplishment / JA: What might you invite your spouse to do with you to help her/him feel more a part of your world? How might she/he contribute to making your “load a little easier to carry”?
2. JA: What might you do this week to enter your spouse’s world and help carry a load or accomplish a task that is important to him/her?
3. JA: Have a Fresh Encounter with Jesus –
Jesus could have done all His work by Himself. Yet, He chose to include the disciples and even us in these days. After reading Mark 3:14, spend a few minutes in meditation before God thinking about His allowing you to be with Him and to serve alongside Him but also alongside your spouse in parenting, in partnership, in loving others, in reaching out to those in need. How do you feel about being loved and included by Jesus Himself? How might your spouse feel knowing that you want to be a true partner in his / her world and work?
4. Mutual Giving / MG: Enjoy Fellowship with Your Spouse: Would you initiate your couple time this week using the 52-Week Plan (date night) for a change and let your spouse know that he/she does not have to pursue you? (You are going to pursue him/her.) You might text him/her to ask for a time that suits the schedule as a first step. During the time, initiate prayer with / for your spouse based on what you are learning about his/her needs and world.
5. MG: Do The Book – Experience Philippians 2:3-5
3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus
After determining 2 or 3 ways you and your spouse can meet each others needs this week, put their needs above your own and lovingly sacrifice what you want in order to serve and give to him/her expecting nothing in return. You will be Doing The Book.
Hey, if you are go to go….go big. Run up the score by giving with no strings. What would it be to have a couple whose goal in life is to out-give the spouse and meet needs without strings? That is a Jesus-empowered abundant life if I ever heard of one! Can you imagine your kids would have an accurate view of God’s love by growing up in such a home? I can!
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Now — What About the Kids? Ask- Listen- Respond
You and your children may benefit from discussing the following questions with your spouse or other caring adult
1. What activity could your son/daughter/child of focus be invited to join, so that together the two of you could have some fun? Discovering what he/she enjoys or common interests you share would be a great way to create potential for Joint Accomplishment and/or Mutual Giving.
2. Children learn Mutual Giving by watching it happen over time. In what ways can you illustrate giving freely to meet others’ needs to make sure this process is a reality for the children in your life? When you see the child give without demanding anything in return, please make sure you take note and praise him/her. Catch them doing good things! Let them know when you see them Do The Book! Philippians 2: 3-5; Ephesians 4:32; Proverbs 15:1a
It’s in the Book!!
From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. Eph. 4:16
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Eph. 5:21