You Raise Me Up

Secure Protected Enjoyed Courted Intimate Affirmed Led Comforted Honored Exalted Respected Intimate Secure Happy

Just for giggles, we mentioned in last weeks plan a song about CHERISH so why not continue with a song theme this week!? Josh Groban wrote a beautiful song called ” You Raise Me Up” .

When I am down and, oh, my soul, so weary; When troubles come and my heart burdened be; Then I am still and wait here in the silence, Until you come and sit awhile with me. You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; You raise me up to walk on stormy seas; I am strong when I am on your shoulders; You raise me up to more than I can be.

The lyrics describe what building up (Exalting) your spouse can do. Being respected and exalted are very similar.  Exalted means to build up, be supportive of one another. Respected means to support one another, value one another highly. “Exalting” another person may be more verbal or demonstrative, whereas “Respecting” your spouse seems to be done more quietly and deals with attitudes, listening skills, and simple choices.  

“Respected and Exalted” are our themes for this week.

What would it be like to have had an extremely hard day at work or at home, and then you see your spouse as you are about to reconnect at the end of the day? It can go in two different directions, right? You come home, frustrated, sad, full of anxiety, whatever the emotion you are experiencing due to your difficult day, and immediately upon greeting your spouse you start to unload the day right there on the kitchen floor. One response could be your spouse hugs you and says, “It’s OK, babe. The day is over and you are home. Let’s sit and talk through all that stuff that happened today.” Or, you may hear instead, “Grow up! Everyone has a bad day now and then, put your big girl/boy pants on and just deal with it!”

The first response would probably leave you feeling loved, heard, and respected; while the second way would probably have you feel, rejected, hurt, or shamed.

Friends, we have the amazing privilege to react to our spouse in a way that leads them to feel respected and exalted or rejected and unloved. What do you choose? In Matthew 15:18 it tells us what comes out of our mouths is from what is stored up in our hearts. So what is coming out of your mouth? Are they words like sweet honey ,sweet to your spouse’s soul, exalting him/her (Proverbs 16:24), or are they like sword thrusts (Proverbs 12:18) meant (or even unintentionally)  to tear down?

I don’t know about you but I would prefer my words to be sweet as honey to my spouse rather than sword thrusts into him/her! Swords leave holes and pain, honey is tasty and makes him/her want more! 🙂  I believe that is what our heavenly Father wants to hear when we, His children, communicate with each other.  Ephesians 4:29 makes that clear and so does Proverbs 15:1..

A fun Christmas gift idea for your spouse! Write on a small strip of paper things you can praise (exalt) your spouse for and tie them tight enough to slip into the hole of the ornament.

 For example: I love how unselfish your are with our family. You make my heart smile. Thank you for working so hard for our family. I love that you hold my hand in public. You are a wonderful dad/mom. I am so proud you are my husband/wife.

Place your note/notes into a glass ornament, (found at any craft store) tie a ribbon on it and hang it on the Christmas tree with your spouse’s name on it! In fact, why not do one for the kids as well!

I hope you will enjoy doing this gift for your spouse/family. Let’s take a deeper look into what it means to show respect.

Respect is shown in actions and words. We can send signals of disrespect with our body language, (rolling our eyes when our spouse says something, not making eye contact as your spouse or child speaks to you.) Other actions that may communicate disrespect to our spouse include the following:  

• taking our kids side when our spouse has disciplined/corrected them
• making plans without checking with your spouse first
• not being supportive of a decision that was made for the family
• not asking your spouse for their input on family decisions.

From Dave: Let me illustrate – Years ago my spouse would look sad at times when I disciplined our son.  I felt she was not being supportive and therefore believed she did not respect me.  At times afterward she would come to me and explain that I came across as being really angry – not abusive but louder than necessary.  I finally came to realize that she was choosing not to respond “in the middle of the situation” but was waiting for a better time to lovingly confront me.  Though I felt disrespected at first, I discovered that she respected me greatly but knew that we needed to talk about her perspective.  We did.  I lowered my voice.  It was a win-win.

If you have a teenager you might be very familiar with how words can feel so disrespectful. (“I hate you!” “You don’t know what you are talking about!” “Leave me alone!”) What about words we may hear from or say to our spouse? (“Do I have to do everything?” “Can’t you do anything right?” “I made plans for us tonight, hope that’s OK?” (But they never asked you first)

Of course the words we speak “about” our spouse to others can be so disrespectful. You know what I mean…you are angry at your spouse so you go and tell all your friends about what they did and how you feel about it. Sure, your spouse may never know, but God does. Not to lay a guilt trip on you by any means, but this is truth. When you do this with your friends, it only fuels the anger fire. Try instead, to share respectfully with your spouse how they made you feel, and in a gentle way. That’s when the healing can begin, my friends! Words can feel like swords leaving puncture holes in your heart and soul. Let’s guard our mouth. A heated moment can leave a hole for a very long time.

If God has laid anything on your heart and you realized you may have been disrespectful to your spouse, child, friend or family member, after admitting to God you have wronged others, would you go those you’ve hurt and ask for forgiveness? That is the best way to patch up that hole with Gods healing power.

Practice exalting and respecting those you care about with appropriate words and actions.  As are most good habits in life…they take purposeful practice. Eventually as you practice they become more natural and ultimately a part of your character!