Comfort Caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions, emotional responses, and physical touch; hurting with and for others in the midst of their grief or pain. (Romans 12: 15 NASB; Matthew 5:4: 2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
Comfort for Others in the Family of God
Our family has always been pretty free with making sure no food goes to waste when eating out. You might hear the question: “You’re Not Gonna’ Eat That, Are You?” Of course, some people are mortified at the thought of eating food from someone else’s plate…even someone in their own family. When that question comes across the table, you can assume a couple of things:
1. The person asking is still hungry. 2. The food not being consumed looks really good. 3. The hungry inquisitor is hoping to snag the morsel before the plate-holder changes his mind.
I have actually seen food forked secretly while distracting the rightful food-owner.
In other words, this is a relatively self-centered request. I have not seen much sympathetic questioning going on with this scenario. You don’t usually hear – “Oh, please eat that food. I know I don’t need it. Really, you eat it. It is yours after all.” Though much more serious than eating food off another person’s plate, we need to take a look around at the circumstances others have on their plates to see if there is a selfless way we can help them deal with it. Sometimes taking things or sharing difficulties is actually a great way to illustrate comfort and care.
For too many of us, experiences of loving care and comfort among people at our churches or even in our family are too few and far between. Instead of being a safe place to get comfort for the pain and disappointments of life, some churches are environments where hurting people are ignored or judged. I have actually been told that a bar is a better place to receive understanding and empathy than some church gatherings.
Don’t you think it is about time that was changed in order that the place where Christians gather would become a safe place – a loving, caring place – where hurting people are welcomed and comforted? Too many folks look at comforting others as a means of making them weak or perpetuating their problem. The thought is that if they have to tough it out, then they’ll be stronger for it. How has that worked for us, if the real goal is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind and …to love your neighbor as yourself?”
So some simple questions to ask yourself and attempt to answer posed in this installment of the 52-Week Plan is this one: “When I am hurt, sad, disappointed, do I need for people to ignore me or criticize me in order to help better fulfill the Great Commandment? Would I stand a better chance of learning to love God and others well if someone showed real love and understanding to me on the way to helping me find a solution?
Walking in the Light of Jesus:
How did Jesus deal with His sadness and hurt?
When checking into the life of Jesus Christ, what did He do when people came to Him with sadness and pain? Think of two or three examples of people who came to Him in a bad condition? (Woman caught in adultery, the leper, the crippled brought to Jesus on a mat.)
If you consider the woman caught in adultery, what do you recall was Jesus’ attitude toward her? John 8:1-11 reveals the story. When this woman was brought to Jesus, did He lecture her about her sin? Did He give her counsel on how not to be adulterous any more? Did he neglect or ignore her? No, Jesus addressed the accusers, then he comforted her by letting her know He did not condemn her, and finally He gave her a clear direction to stop the choices she had made before. He loved her and cared deeply for her restoration and future life.
Would you consider a time when you, not unlike the woman caught in adultery, were caught in a sin that broke the heart of God? When you came to your senses and returned to God for forgiveness, how were you greeted? Were you ridiculed by Jesus, ignored or lectured? My guess is that you were not. My guess based on experience is that you were heard, accepted, forgiven, and restored. My guess is that you were comforted in the presence of God’s Son feeling His mercy, forgiveness, and love. He comforted you.
Would you spend some time in God’s presence worshiping Him for His reaction to you when you deserved to be ignored, lectured, punished, and sent away?
Perhaps you know of someone in your sphere of influence who has done some awful things to sin against God and who deserves to be shunned? Maybe he/she needs to know this Jesus Who loves, forgives, and restores? Maybe His comforting you has set you in a place to give that comfort to another by kindness, a listening ear, an accepting word or embrace?
As the woman caught in adultery, your friend caught in his/her sin may need to hear a way out after he/she knows you truly care and if the timing is right for the word to come from you.
Walking in the Light of God’s Word – Do the Book!
Let’s Do the Book – Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.
Mourn with Jesus: In your heart would you take a moment to join Jesus alone with His Father, who is also your Father God? Beside Jesus, there on your knees or lying prostrate on the ground, would you tell your Father the hurt you are feeling, the pain you carry, and the disappointment you’ve experienced? Would you hear God say to you how much He loves you, cares about your pain, and will be with you in that pain though the pain may not go away yet?
Mourn with your Christian friend: Would you offer to a friend (another fellow believer) a listening ear and a sympathetic response when he/she talks to you about disappointment, pain, and hurt? The comfort you give to a fellow believer in Christ by listening and caring (versus lecturing or ignoring) may be the most powerful way to show love to another and for them to feel loved by someone else. Remember, “people don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care” applies to others even though they may know Jesus as Savior already. Too few people have seen this side of Jesus’ loving heart displayed in the response from another Christian. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 is very clear.
Walk in the Light of Fellowship with Believers
Recently, a Christian friend of mine noticed that I was down, sad, and uncharacteristically quiet. I sorta’ expected my friend to judge me, after all I am an ordained minister and the head of a ministry endeavor. I was “in a bit of a hole” emotionally and had allowed some stinkin’ thinkin’ to take over too much space in my thoughts. Rather than lecture me, remind me that “I knew better” and that I should “practice what I preach”….all of which is true, my friend showed sorrow for my struggle and caringly offered to listen. I vented and said out loud what was in my sad heart. After this we spent time just talking, decompressing, and eventually we prayed together.
We had real fellowship on a spiritual level and it deepened our relationship as friends as we experienced this scripture in Galatians 6:2 – “Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
Later in the discussion, I was able to help my friend as well.
Would you ask God to show you or bring to you a Christian friend (or even a stranger) who needs to experience some caring comfort? Get really proficient at giving comfort by practicing these two Questions and Answers again. Though we often think of comfort being given to a person who is hurting, I believe that a person is comforted, when someone is able to celebrate a significant, happy event alongside him/her.
So let’s get some practice with asking these questions of our spouse, child, or especially of a fellow believer at church or at work who needs someone to join them for comfort.
Question 1: Would you tell me something that happened today that made you happy or helped you feel really good? Response to Question 1: Listen well and when appropriate say something like, “I am so happy that happened to you!” or “It makes me happy to know that it made you happy!” You might give them a “fist bump” or a “high five” or a big hug.
Question 2: Would you tell me something that happened today that made you sad or was not such a good thing? Response to Question 2: Listen well and when appropriate say something like, “I am so sad that happened to you.” Or “It makes me sad to see you sad and hurt in this way.” Perhaps touching them or holding them would be a good way to express comfort.
Question 3: 1. Would you describe what differences might be made if in a work or church environment, comfort was given as needed and people felt safe to be able to get their pain out in the open knowing it would be handled well? 2. Have you seen a workplace or church environment that was healthy in this way? Describe what results you’ve experience in healthy and unhealthy work or church settings?
As we learn to give comfort in our family and in our circle of believers, we’ll get better at recognizing the need and knowing what to do for others outside our family….even outside the family of faith.