Chapter 16: Become Friends, Lovers and Saints through Intimacy Disciplines

Chapter Summary

An entire chapter of practical applications to help you connect with one another Spiritually, Emotionally and Physically—An Unbelievable Resource and a Great Refresher Course!

  • Friends – You will find great resources to help you continue progress for deepening a heart-connection to your spouse.
  • The tools described review several key principles and assignments from earlier chapters.
  • Well-executed, simple Marriage Staff Meetings are key to continued growth in communication.
  • Lovers – It is difficult at times to find balanced resources to help couples grow in the area of sexual intimacy. This chapter offers some that are balanced and effective.
  • Explaining grace and its benefits assists couples as they experience spiritual intimacy resulting in deepening gratefulness for God’s great love and for one another.
  • Foundational to this study and the experience of intimacy on every level is the truth – the Living Truth, Jesus Christ and the written truth of the Bible.
  • Developing the discipline of knowing and experiencing truth helps us live life abundantly.
  • As we experience God’s Word, we come to love our Savior even more, wish to bless Him, and express His love more clearly to our spouse, family, and others.
  • Suggestion: Re-mark the inventory from Chapter 1. See how the numbers have changed. Use the results to plan, celebrate, pray, worship God, get help, etc.
  • Perhaps once or twice a year you could re-take that inventory or another one that you like better, providing a great way to assess and communicate about the health of your marriage.
  • Consider adding these questions as part of your marriage health assessment: See the inventory in Chapter 1 and respond using the same system –
    • I am very helpful with the chores around the house.
    • I spend money appropriately and according to our plan.
    • When I see my spouse having to work too hard on his/her responsibilities, I find ways to lighten the load.
    • We are partners in rearing our children or in dealing with not having children.
    • We work as a team when it comes to making decisions that impact our marriage or our family.


Small Group Questions

  • Which of the areas of intimacy (Friends, Saints, or Lovers) will require the greatest effort on your part to make or continue making progress?
  • Which one will require the least effort?
  • What resources or principles from Chapter 16, the IE workbook, or other material will be helpful to you as you seek to become a better friend, saint, or lover?
  • How would you describe the changes in you personally as a result of investing in this class, workbook, conference, or small group?
  • List 2 or 3 insights you have learned about your relationships to God, to your spouse, to your family of origin, and with yourself.
  • How effective would journaling or keeping a diary be in helping you maintain progress in your marriage?
  • What do YOU need to help you focus more often and more intently on your marriage?
  • What part in all this intimacy talk does your relationship to God play?
  • How does Jesus Christ fit into your plan for greater love in your marriage, family, and life?
  • What would you like to do to help other couples have great marriages or help singles have a better chance at an abundant marriage?