Chapter 2: What Do We Really Need from Each Other?

Chapter Summary

  • No spouse can meet every need perfectly all the time, but we can make progress
  • Each of us can discover our spouse’s priority needs and how to meet that need
  • We can learn to communicate maximum intimacy and dispel some aloneness
  • As in “Personal Goals on page xiv, having an answer for your “deepest desire for your marriage and expressing it to your spouse, builds hope for the future
  • Knowing our spouse’s top 3 of the 10 is important
  • Knowing how our spouse hopes those needs will be met is more important
  • Just knowing the name of our spouses needs may not be enough
  • It is not selfish to tell your spouse what you need and how you would like to have that need met any more than sharing your favorite meal, vacation, or gift
  • Demanding that your spouse meet the need as you described it is wrong
  • Trusting God to meet your needs His way and in His time is faith
  • If want to use scripture memory:  John 13: 34 – 35
  • You meet one another’s physical needs: shelter, clothing, food, house, etc;
  • God wants to use each of you to meet emotional and spiritual needs too


Small Group Questions

  1. Would you tell the story of your engagement? (Small Group Facilitator – be aware of the time)
  2. Did you realize before this study that you have the Ten Relational Needs (see page 12)?
  3. Do you ever outgrow these needs?
  4. What feeling do you have when you think of having these needs? (i.e., Weakness?  OK with it?  Selfishness? Vulnerability? Relieved?)
  5. What would you consider to be a  healthy attitude about being “needy?
  6. How similar were your needs compared to your partner’s?
  7. How well did you know your partner’s Relational Needs?
  8. Were you able to meet any of your partner’s needs this week?
  9. How did meeting your partner’s needs make you feel?
  10. Did you experience receiving from your partner in the area of your needs?
  11. How did that feel?
  12. How could we help each other identify needs?
  13. In what other relationships might recognizing needs be helpful?