Introduction to the principle of Emotional Capacity – we can hold only so much negative emotion
- Unmet needs lead to hurt and loss
- Pain in human relationships is inevitable
- As more hurt and loss are experienced, we react from a “full cup of negative emotions
- Our best strategy is to learn and practice what to do when hurt happens
- TRUE CONFESSION – without rationalizing or blaming, admit to God how you have hurt your marriage and your spouse. Ask Him for forgiveness – List 1
- True Comfort – without minimizing your pain, admit List 2 to God asking for His comfort and care to replace the pain and aloneness you have felt
- Each list should be taken to God for His perspective, comfort, and initial healing
- The symptoms of a full cup (Pages 22, 23) are typical and add to the problem
- If you want to use scripture memory: Genesis 2:18
- DO NOT SHARE EITHER OF YOUR LISTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE THIS WEEK – WAIT
Small Group Questions
- From Chapter 3 in the Intimate Encounters book, how would you feel if you were Jay in scenario number 1?
- How would you feel if you were Laura?
- What thoughts might be going through your head?
- What emotions might be filling your emotional cup?
- What needs might be going unmet? (See Top Ten Needs list, p. 12)
- How do my displayed symptoms (from page 22 and 23) play a role in hurting my spouse leaving him/her alone? (Example: My escaping into work hurts my partner by leaving him/her alone too much with too much responsibility to carry without me???)
- What feelings might my spouse experience? (Example: As I escape to work, my spouse may feel lonely, insecure, or abandoned.)
- How would the “fruit of the spirit in Galatians 5:22-23 play a roll in connecting us to our partner and building intimacy?
(If Time Permits) – Ask the same questions for scenarios #2 and #3.
- What could each of these couples have done differently in order to increase intimacy and decrease aloneness?
- Encourage couples to get help, as needed, using effective, trusted resources.