Chapter 6: Be Free from Fear

Chapter Summary

  • Huge!!!   Looking to God as our source of help, allowing Him to meet our needs and “entrusting our spouse to God so that He may accomplish His work in his/her life rather than nagging, criticizing or demanding (pg 51).
  • What call the chapter – “Being Free from Fear?  When each spouse knows that the other is trusting God to be God not demanding that the spouse meet needs, if frees each up to be less apprehensive about failure.
  • The Truth is that we can demand all we want but we can’t and should not make the other person meet our needs.  In fact, if we feel manipulated or controlled as the other person positions to take the resource to meet the need, we feel used.
  • Real Mutual Giving – You truly keep the pressure off and allow me to meet your needs from love not from coercion helps me to allow you to do the same for me….without playing the martyr or getting heavy-handed if you don’t meet my needs.
  • Healthy relationships vs. unhealthy relationships diagram (pg 52) and more emphasis on “mutual giving.  God is not side-lined but essential to the life of each spouse.  After all, it is His love we are giving away.  I John 4:19
  • Great way to foster Vulnerable Communication (Ch. 5) – “thanks/wish list,
  • If want to include scripture memory:  Philippians 2:3-4; page 57 in IE workbook
  • Again – extra homework may be too much:  focus on Protection and Honor in the Staff Meeting with practical suggestions


Small Group Questions

  1. Would you tell the group about an area in your marriage where you are seeing progress?  What is making the difference?
  2. Can your spouse meet all your needs? Can you meet all of his/hers?
  3. Describe what a relationship looks like where all the expectations (demands) are on the other spouse to meet all the needs.
  4. Describe a relationship where expectations (hopes) are on God to meet needs, but we can, at least, discuss our hopes as a couple?
  5. What are the major differences between the Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships diagrammed on page 52 in your IE workbook?
  6. Would you tell the group one or two things from your “Thanks List on page 58? Please make sure it is OK with your spouse first.
  7. In what ways is using the “Thanks/Wish Lists” exercise a wise way to meet more emotional needs and, potentially,  avoid future problems?
  8. Describe one way you are better at showing love to your spouse, family, and others today after working through the first 6 chapters in this workbook.