Chapter 6: Be Free from Fear

Be Free from Fear

  • Huge!!!   Look to God as our source of help and The One who ultimately meets all our needs as He chooses. God does not meet all our needs by Himself.  He gives us the responsibility and privilege to meet the needs of others, as well as, the ability to meet some of our own.  
  • He wants us to entrust our spouse to Him.  He designed us to remove some of their aloneness,  rather than nagging or demanding that our spouse meet our needs or change into the person we think they should.(pg 51).
  • Why call the chapter – "Being Free from Fear?  When each spouse knows that the other is trusting God - not expecting the spouse to meet all needs - it frees each to be less apprehensive about the inability to meet all our spouse's needs - obviously, we can't.  We aren't God.
  • Sharing the truth about our needs is healthy.  Giving to meet our spouse's needs is a means of communicating love.
  • The Truth is that we can demand all we want, but we should not even try to make the other person meet our needs.  In fact, if spouses feel manipulated or controlled by our attempts to take the resource to meet our needs, they feel used, and we remain alone.  "Needs demanded result in needs unmet and spouses unfulfilled."
  • Real Mutual Giving – We keep the pressure off the marriage and the "fear factor" low, when each spouse is giving to meet the needs of the other rather than taking.  Instead of "two ticks and no dog" (takers), we have two lovers giving to each other from the unlimited resources of God's supply.
  • Healthy relationships vs. unhealthy relationships diagram (pg 52) and more emphasis on "mutual giving.  God is not side-lined but essential to the life of each spouse.  After all, it is His love we are giving away.  I John 4:19
  • Great way to foster Vulnerable Communication (Ch. 5) - "thanks/wish list,
  • If want to include scripture memory:  Philippians 2:3-4; page 57 in IE workbook
  • Again – extra homework may be too much:  focus on Protection and Honor in the Staff Meeting with practical suggestions


Small Group Questions

  1. Would you tell the group about an area in your marriage where you are seeing progress?  What is making the difference?
  2. Can your spouse meet all your needs? Can you meet all of his/hers?
  3. Describe what a relationship looks like where all the expectations (demands) are on the other spouse to meet all the needs.
  4. Describe a relationship where expectations (hopes) are on God to meet needs, but we can, at least, discuss our hopes and needs as a couple?
  5. What are the major differences between the Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships diagrammed on page 52 in your IE workbook?
  6. Would you tell the group one or two things from your "Thanks List on page 58? Please make sure it is OK with your spouse first.
  7. In what ways is using the "Thanks/Wish Lists" exercise a wise way to meet more emotional needs and, potentially,  avoid future problems?
  8. Describe one way you are better at showing love to your spouse, family, and others today after working through the first 6 chapters in this workbook.  (It is possible that you don't need to improve because God is loving well through you already.  If that is true, praise the Lord for that blessing.)