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Chapter 1: Assess Your Marriage Intimacy

Chapter Summary Important to Assess – examples: annual physical, business metrics, sports tryouts We are not just physical creatures, three dimensional life (Spiritual, Emotional, Physical) – Physical includes sex as well as meeting physical needs, work, etc Which dimensions do we do well?  How can we improve? Why are some dimensions easier for us than […]

Chapter 2: What Do We Really Need from Each Other?

Chapter Summary No spouse can meet every need perfectly all the time, but we can make progress Each of us can discover our spouse’s priority needs and how to meet that need We can learn to communicate maximum intimacy and dispel some aloneness As in “Personal Goals on page xiv, having an answer for your […]

Chapter 3: What’s Filling Your Emotional Cup?

Chapter Summary Introduction to the principle of Emotional Capacity – we can hold only so much negative emotion Unmet needs lead to hurt and loss Pain in human relationships is inevitable As more hurt and loss are experienced, we react from a “full cup of negative emotions Our best strategy is to learn and practice […]

Chapter 4: Healing Hurts through Confession and Forgiveness

Chapter Summary If the work done on the lists in Chapter 3 was done in connection with God, each spouse has taken responsibility for those things that hurt the other The reason time is given to deal with both the List 1 (Unresolved Guilt) and List 2 (Unresolved Pain) is to give each individual time […]

Chapter 5: Blend Four ingredients for Marital Closeness

Chapter Summary Give plenty of suggestions for spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy (pg 39) Encourage couples to continue or start praying together; if children – with/for them too; even praying as a couple over kids while kids sleep –quietly, of course If want help with date ideas, lots of websites and could use TBI 52-Week […]

Chapter 6: Be Free from Fear

Chapter Summary Huge!!!   Looking to God as our source of help, allowing Him to meet our needs and “entrusting our spouse to God so that He may accomplish His work in his/her life rather than nagging, criticizing or demanding (pg 51). What call the chapter – “Being Free from Fear?  When each spouse knows that […]

Chapter 7: Study Your Family Tree

Chapter Summary The destructive nature of growing up with pressure to perform in order to be loved may have shaped not only our view of relationships with people but also with God If we are used to receiving love (demonstrations of care and attention) on the basis of our performance (athletics, academics, looks, etc) then […]

Chapter 8: Be Free for Emotional Closeness

Chapter Summary I, Dave Lewis, have a theory:  romantic love or “falling in love with a person feels so wonderful because the one who falls believes strongly that the object of this love may be the perfect person to share life, return love, become best friends, satisfy sexually, and grow into the soul-mate for which […]

Chapter 9: Be Free from Marital Games

Chapter Summary When healthy disciplines and loving ways are practiced consistently, intimacy needs are consistently, not perfectly, met. However, as the needs are unmet over extended periods of time, the hurt we feel may become justification for wrong responses that in turn hurt our spouse. These patterns usually result from and deepen the tendency to […]